It's been an eternity since I've actually written a blog, but I felt my first race back after being off a year after almost losing my life due to an extreme case of PE (Pulmonary embolism... blood clots in the lungs)... which almost took my life... is a worthy reason to actually write a quick blog versus an instagram photo or a tweet that just can't capture what standing at the start line at Oceanside 70.3 with literally the best in the world meant to me!!
If I could tell you how much anxiety I was having two weeks prior you'd think I had very little belief in myself. All the fears... what if I am not fit enough, fast enough, what if I get creamed... truth- it's ok, it's my first race back after a year and I've only put in 2 1/2 months and nobody is expecting me to win. I could go on and on about the negativity I was telling myself and almost self defeat but thankfully I have some sense in me and I was always able to calm & combat my fears with the truth.
The reality is for only 2 1/2 month of solid training under Leanda Cave I am actually in really great shape. I'm at about 60% to where I can be... so to go race and just get the cobwebs off will be so good for me. In more ways than one....
I sat down with Simon Paterson (Pro Lesley Paterson's husband) who is a sports psychologist and he helped me sort out so much of what was going on inside me and also the truth behind it all. I also talked a lot with Lesley and it's like my eyes were open to seeing this as really a big deal but in the BIG SCHEME of things no big deal at all. It's just a race... and all I have to do is go out there and give it my best... and then at the end of the day. Be content that I did just that!!
FREEDOM!!!!
Something happened to me over the few days leading in to the race... I had constant truth put into my mind from friends and people that believe in me.. in who I am... what I stand for... and why I am doing what I do... people that said little quotes or sayings that just hit me in a positive way and resonated deep within.
For this very reason... I lined up at the starting line more confident than ever. Aware that I am not where I want to be... YET...aware that the field is stacked... so what... aware that if I give it my best... that is really all that is expected of me.
I had the most fun POSITIVE experience that I think I ever have.
I didn't have moments of panic nor negativity like usual that usually overwhelm me or even cause me to lose focus and crack... in fact everything that I faced only seemed like a challenge and made it all the more fun.
All went as expected... first race back = cobwebs.
I was leading the 2nd or 3rd group of girls in the swim and when we were heading back I couldn't see because of the sun- I end up heading of course only to have Wendy Ingraham save me on the paddle board by yelling at me and sending me back in the right direction. No panic- it only made me swim harder to try and catch back up to them and fight hard to try and exit ahead of them again. Time lost... oh well these things happen.
T1- almost comical it was so slow. Wetsuit struggles. Tried to do T1 the old fashioned way and put my shoes on in transition instead of having them on the bike... ha... my feet were frozen I seriously couldn't get them in my shoes. Glasses on. Helmet on... glasses are now crooked. Helmet off. Fix glasses. Helmet back on. SERIOUSLY??!!! ready to go... oops forgot my number. Aghhh. Race belt on... ok now go... What felt like an eternity probably was... but it just made me all the more relaxed. I didn't have the negative. I was having FUN!!!!!
Onto the bike and the whole ride I just kept telling myself ...give all you can... reel them in.... you are strong... you know this... give it all.... I just may surprise myself.... I passed a few girls and man I was feeling focused and actually shocked at how great I felt. How fit and strong I felt. I mean don't get me wrong there were a lot of things going on... muscles screaming at me... but all that was actually over ridden by wow... I have missed this... and like Julie Dibens said in her blog actually enjoying and having so much fun. The last 10 miles were tough... my power was dropping but my mind was still pressing on.
Off the bike T2- much better.
Panic was almost setting in- this is usually my struggle. I haven't done much run training yet well plenty of base but no speed and I was so nervous that I would run so slow. Although it wasn't fast... I actually surprised myself... I had a game plan coming in to this race for the run and it worked.
To be honest the crowds at Oceanside push you along. I was so thankful for all the people and the familiar faces I saw yelling out to me as I went by. YOU made me smile and really made what can be a long arduous run FUN for me. THANK YOU!!!!
I crossed the finish line... EMOTIONAL. I had done it.... and so much better than I thought. I couldn't be any more happier than I am right now to have raced amongst the best and to be exactly where I am at this moment.
This race gave me lots of confidence and I'm looking forward to getting back out there again.
YOU- all of you who support me. I thank you. My Family. Friends. Fans. Sponsors. YOU MAKE THIS MEAN SOMETHING. SO THANK YOU. Too many names to mention in this blog.. but you know who you are...
Up next weekend is South Beach Nautica Tri!!!
Then heading to France for the Cannes International Triathlon! WOoohoooooo!!!!!
Excited for the year!!!